avoid your roommate at all times
(she asks you to lunch but you’re too nervous)
hide from Nice Guys
(lock your door and turn off the lights)
try to make friends by taking them to the abandoned kmart
(they think you’re creepy and do not want to talk to you anymore)
call your ex friend crying at midnight and sleep on his couch
(he forgives you but you didn’t apologize)
get taken advantage of by someone you trust
(don’t you think you owed him?)
open a Title IX case
(it will intimidate him into dropping out)
make friends that you don’t like as people
go on a date with a guy who sounds like Forrest Gump
(he takes you to an art museum and you cringe when he tries to hold your hand. when he goes in for a hug you walk away. you felt sorry for him because he was so nice but you’re so not ready)
get stood up by a guy who plays the trumpet
try really, really hard
(really, really hard)
get drunk for the first time and tell Everyone how you Really feel
sit in the creek and read instead of going to class
take midnight booty calls and go crawling back to your dorm when he kicks you out at 4 am
(he doesn’t want to sleep in the bed with you but it’d be rude to put you on the couch)
ghost your therapist
(“I don’t even need it anymore”)
try to make amends with your oldest friend and get rejected
(she thought it was clear she was trying to avoid you)
pick up your roommate when she gets stranded 2 hours away then let her sleep with your boyfriend
(then She will friendship dump You because he coerced her into it)
live through the deadliest hurricane since Katrina
(half your town is dead and you may have food insecurities for the rest of your life)
fuck it. drop out and go to mortuary school.
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